Lezlie Mackerel
"Fuck off Clarence" : -Big Lez Lezlie Mackerel, also known as "Big Lez" or "Lez", is the main protagonist in The Big Lez Show. Kingdom Cum Lezlie was born on Kingdom Cum, a far off planet where its inhabitants exhibit super strength and extended life expectancies. Lezlie, along with his brother Norton Sparkles, both lived in Horizon's End city. It is unknown who Lezlie's mother is. There came a time where Lezlie's dad, King Larinox, wanted to step down and allow one of his sons to take his place. Lezlie and Norton both celebrated this occasion. To sabotage Lezlie's chances of becoming king, Norton spiked his alcoholic drink with an unknown substance. Unfortunately, Lezlie had the same idea, and spiked his brother's drink as well. While they were under the influence of the drug, they went on a rampage and destroyed Horizon's End city, and in doing so, their father banished them from the planet and sent them drifting in space and time forever, never to return. Australian Life (Season 1) After an unknown amount of time, Lez and Norton's space pod crash landed in Australia. After the landing, both Lez and Norton parted ways to begin a new life. Somehow, Lez got a job and earnt enough money to buy a house. Roughly 10 years ago present time, Lez was startled by a baby, screaming on his doorstep. Lez took in the baby as his own and named him Quinten. Lez later reveals to Quinten he only adopted him so he could get child support money and then tells to Quinten that he spent the child support money on making a spaceship to travel back to Kingdom Cum to face his father. Lez and Norton start doing dirty trick on each other, which started when Lez wrecked Norton's flowers and said Norton couldn't grow a dick if he tried to which prompts Norton to take a crap in his mailbox Norton and Lez do more dirty trick on each other eventually leads them to fight, which causes them to reveal their origins and that they are brothers to Quinten after Lez smashed into Norton with Norton's car and then smashed into Lez's garage causing a massive explosion and they are unharmed. Choomah Island Lez is asked by Sassy if he want's to ride around the pacific ocean with himself and Donny in a red plane they 'found outside a Coles' which Lez replies by saying "fuck yeah". During the plane ride a choomah jumps onto the plane and wrecks the plane causing it to split in half and crashes on the island they were flying over at the time, making Lez, Sassy and Donny stranded on the Island. Lez stays on the beach for several hours waiting for Sassy and Donny to rescue him. He tries to start a fire on the beach but it goes out and he then hears music in the distance. Lez later finds Sassy and Donny who have made a camp site, drinking beer and listening to a radio which pisses Lez off because they didn't look for him after they crashed on the island and don't realise how bad the situation is. Lez is then separated from Sassy and Donny when they are chased by a massive choomah. Lez takes refuge in the wrecked plane where he meets the 'vomit guy' and sees him beaten up and 'killed' by the choomah. Lez stays in the plane until the next morning. Lez is then ambushed by a group of choomah's and is rescued by Mike Nolan (who uses a shotgun to kill all the choomahs) who is revealed to be alive after being missing for 2 weeks under unknown circumstances. Nolezy then shows Lez his camp site on top of the hill and gives a shot-gun called 'Doris' to Lez. Lez gets separated from Nolezy after he is once again ambushed by a choomah and then punched several times, he then fights back by ripping the choomah's face off, killing the choomah. Another choomah attacks him but he ninja-kicks it off the hill causing it to fall to it's death. Several more choomah's attack Lez but he fight back by blowing up their faces with the shotgun Nolezy gave him and until he is attacked by a beelike-choomah called Bumblebrutus, who impales Lez in the shoulder with his bee-like sting and tells Lez he is not leaving this island. Lez stalls him long enough (by asking him how does he know him and if he is going to kill him) to grab the shotgun and blow both of his eyes, left shoulder and sting off. Lez then says "I can leave this Island whenever the fuck I want you yellow piece of shit" before shooting Bumblebrutus in the face, kiling him. Lez spots another choomah staring at him and asks "the fuck you staring at?" the choomah responds by screaming until Lez blows up his face with the shotgun. Unfortunatly he runs out of ammo and more choomah's arrive making him retreat. They all escape in Clarence's tinny when Clarence arrives for an unknown reason. Lez runs out of the jungle with the choomah's chasing him he then beckoning them to get in the boat. Clarence then asks what Lez is doing here which Lez greets him by saying "fuck off Clarence" and decks him and then uses Clarence's tinny to escape the island with Sassy, Donny and Nolezy and leaving Clarence on the island with the choomah's. As the boat drives away from the Island Sassy asks if Clarence will be alright, Lez lies and says he'll be fine. Lez then asks Nolezy if he could help him with a project (the spaceship) he is working on which Nolezy accepts. Season 2 Lezlie went to the pokies with Mike Nolan to get the money to repair and buy fuel for the spaceship but has no luck at first, While trying to find a 'better machine' he meets up with Sassy and Donny. Sassy forces him to use the rest of his money, but luckily he wins $100,000,000 which is more than enough to pay for his spaceship.After a confrontation over Norton's birthday party, which results in Lez breaking into Norton's house, smashing it up, then taking a shit on Norton's cake and giving Norton 'birthday punches' causes Lez to be arrested for assault, and falsely accused of murdering a sack of cute puppys. Lez is scentenced to prison for life. In the prison during a meal time Lez bitterly says "Can't wait to get the fuck out of here first thing i'm going to do is shave Norton's head and feed him to a very, very hungry cat." Sassy replies by saying "why don't you just feed him to Scruffy he always has the fuckin munchies". After finding out that Sassy's Crew (minus Donny who avoided arrest), Ellis's (Warning Guy) cousin, Sergio and Clarence (who miraculously survived the choomah's and to Lez's displeasure by saying "yuck what the fuck I thought you died") are in the prison, Sergio tells Lez he needs his help to exterminate 'the fuckin cunts' (choomah's) Lez replies by saying "alright so when do we start?" and then a large Choomah smashes through the prison wall and screams. Lez, Sassy's crew, Sergio and Clarence escape the prison in a truck driven by Warning Guy where they travel to the volcano bong where the spacship is and Donny and Nolezy have made the repairs to the spaceship while they were in prison. But the spaceship still doesn't have fuel but when Sassy drops his trippa snippa in the fuel tank it causes a chemical reaction making it a power source for the spaceship. Lezlie then begins a voyage in his spaceship on the way to Kingdom Cum, along with Donny, Sassy and Ellis (Warning Guy) (Nolezy stays back to hit the volcano bong). Upon arriving, they realise that it has been destroyed and they head back for Earth. A choomah then attacks and wrecks the spaceship causing it to crash land. After they crash land, Lezlie and Ellis fight the Choomahs. Lez is then grabbed by a Choomahdactyl and is dropped on a building. He then meets the leader of the choomah's, Cecil the Sasquatch. Cecil reveals that he has attacked Brown Town because he wants revenge for the murder of Bumble Brutus (who was his best friend) which Lez replies "yep, shot him in the fuckin face". Extremely angry, Cecil throws Lezlie off the building. Lezlie somehow manages to land on a Choomahdactyl, and smashes Cecil off the building, Cecil smashes through a glass roof and is then body-slammed by Lez down several floors into the sewers. After losing Cecil, Lez meets up with the rest of the crew, whom are trying to get to the roof of the pink building. After seeing trails of sewerage leading up some stairs, Lez is horrified and surprised to see King Larinox with Cecil, who is screaming at Lez that Cecil is the next heir to the throne of Kingdom Cum. After a brief conversation, King Larinnox escapes with Cecil in a large spaceship. Lez, Sassy, Donny, Wayn-O, Scruffy, Owly, Warning Guy and Sergio are rescued by Mike Nolan (in a helicopter) and return home. After returning from the Battle of Brown Town, Lez confronts Norton and knocks him out (by punching him in the face) mostly likely for revenge of getting sent to prison on false charges and taking Quinten from him. Lez then takes Quinten back into his custody, and tells Quinten he bought him an Xbox which Quinten is overjoyed to see. Afterwards Lez is then found chilling on his front lawn with Sassy. Season 3 ''' After an unknown amount of time, Lez spots Sassy and his crew installing the Gamma Max 2063 V2.0 Platinum Edition on the roof of the sasquatches house. In episode 4 Lez goes to the movie cinemas with Sassy after eating some 'hash cookies' (maijuana cookies). But is then informed by Donny that he mixed up the bags and they accidentally got Wayn-O's bag of heroeine cookies instead. Lez starts tripping out and having weird dreams of Norton and Warning guy yelling at him and then a choomah screaming at him. Lez then starts screaming but he then has another dream where he is back on choomah island and Sassy is beckoning him to come up the hill but he is then surrounded and overwhelmed by choomah's who scream at him again. Lez then wakes up but Sassy suddenly grabs him and it is a choomah's face with Sassy's body and Lez screams again obviously still tripping. In episode 5 Quenten asks Lez what he does with the rest of the money he won at the pokies and said he found a receipt for 'glenndoll accesories' which Lez snatches away immediately, obviously hiding something. Quentin later sneaks in to Lez's basement and sees Lez working on a unknown thing. Lez spots him and tells him to "get the fuck out". In Episode 6 Lez talks with Clarence who is saying they have to go back to choomah island and destroy the nest because there has been more numerous sighting of choomah's lately (which Sassy confirms in episode 7) and they will invade Brown Town again. Lez says he'll think about it and tells Clarence to "get the fuck off my lawn". Lez then smoks some marijuana with Quinten and the Saquatches in his storage room. In episode 7 Lez is told by Sassy that word on the street that there has been mass sighting of choomahs in Brown Town lately, Lez then confronts Norton and asks who he is working for and he confesses that he is working for King Larrinox and that he has something 'big' planned ahead. In episode 8 Lez's reveals to Sassy, Donny and Mike Nolan the thing he was working on in the basement was a action figure place called "Glennworld" but continues to keep it a secret from Quinten. Later Sassy and Donny ask Lez that they should go another crazy adventure. Lez is reluctant at first but is eventually persuaded by Sassy, Donny and Mike Nolan to go back to Choomah Island and kill some Choomah's. But first he has to find Clarence get some more info on the island and figure out the grand plan before they go back to the island. Lez then goes to talk to Clarence again and tells him that everyone is keen to go back to choomah island. Clarence then reveals how he became a 'Potatohead' and the origins of the choomah's to him. He then tells Clarence to meet him at his house at 0600 hours tomorrow. After Donny appears and makes Clarence do some 'jobs' for him. Lez then asks Donny to get him a 'gooch gun' so he can kill Norton with it, Donny says "alright mate". Lez then grins broadly. '''Choomah Island 2 Lez, Sassy's crew, Mike Nolan and Clarence go back to choomah island to take down the choomah's once and for all Appearance Lez is usually wearing a pink singlet, blue shorts and shoes and has the same laid-back personality as the Sasquatches and Nolezy. He often keen to hang out (or go on a adventure) with The Sasquatches and Nolezy. Lez secretly really cares about Quinton even though he treats him like dirt a lot but does say some positive thing to him occasionally but he hides and denies the fact he really cares about Quinton.